I'm a tolerator. [yes, i made up that word].
But, it's true. I'm really good at tolerating people; with putting up with them. I'm practically a professional tolerator. [I can add that to my resume' right?]
I tolerate the 15 year old boys who barge into my classroom, yelling, screaming, hitting, and picking on each other, because they're 15 and that's what they do. [apparently]
I tolerate the girl who never turns in her homework on time, or scoots by on her assignments by copying another girl in her class. [too bad I never can prove it, though I am 99.9% sure it's happening]
I tolerate the kid who plays basketball in my neighborhood at random times throughout the day/week(and seems, at times, to be right outside my window). [and it's warming up so he'll be out there more. woohoo]
I tolerate the people behind me in line at the store, who insist on using foul language, even when I've asked them nicely to stop.
I tolerate the attitudes about having to work in class, or the questions about where something is or how something is done in class. [although we are in the middle of the 5th six weeks and have been doing the same routine since day one. who ever said there aren't stupid questions...was wrong]
I tolerate people who constantly throw negativity in my face, and seem to always have something negative to say about something in my life. [this means their jealous of me, right? at least that what's mom/dad always have said]
I tolerate the man who seemingly always ends up in front of me at some point in my drive to school, and never fails to drive approximately 35 miles an hour. [the speed limit is 55]
I tolerate the teenager who, despite the second chances they're given, still chooses to be selfish and take advantage of people.
I tolerate bad attitudes, bad choices, bad looks, bad people, bad breath, and bad days.
But, that's nothing - really - compared to all the tolerating the Big Man upstairs does. I mean, if you really think about it, He tolerates a lot. Complacent Christians, Fence riding "Christians", battles in the Middle East, people using His name in vain, my (at times) crappy prayer life, hypocrites, child molesters, liars,...people who are having affairs, people who are living for themselves, people who tear others down, people who create war within the world (or between others), people who...and the list could go on and on ...and on.
If you think about it, it'd be real easy for God to just reach down and squash those of us that aren't living lives reflecting Him. He could, literally, if He so chose, decide to wipe out all the people of this world who are on the enemy's side, flirting with the devil and playing along with his schemes. He could take it upon Himself to keep a tally of all the things we do wrong, and once we get to a certain number, simply thump us out of existence with a flick of his finger. (and thankfully, He's a God of grace and millions of 2nd chances, and doesn't keep a record of our wrongs!)
[But I'm sure we could think of a few people we'd like Him to get rid of...because just thinking about their sinful life irks us SO much.]
And then I remember this: "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God"
And this: "thou shall have no other gods before Me" [and the rest of Exodus 20]
And this: "So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth."
And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I wonder how many times I focus so much on tolerating other people and their issues (talking bad about them or explaining what I'd fix about them, or what they need to do better, or how they did 'this' and 'this' last night), that I sweep under the rug the things that He's tolerating about me...
After all, I am called to "be holy, for I AM holy."
And to "put to death whatever is in you that is of this world, ...and put on the new self that is being renewed in the knowledge after the image of my Creator."
And to "not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Right? [gulp]
Maybe this week instead of "tolerating" people and their issues, I'll try being patient with the fact that they may be different than me, or that while they may have qualities that get on my ever-loving nerves (and I want to yell and scream and strangle them b/c I'm so annoyed)... I can find a place in my heart (& attitude) to love them (1 John 4:7-8) and shine some Jesus into their life.
And maybe, I'll lift up that rug in my life where I've been sweeping all the things I know He's tolerating about me...and work on making those better in my life.
After all, I kinda (A LOT) do like being His child. And being loved by Him. and being cared for & blessed. and being able to do His work. And being able to talk to Him. And being able to learn from Him and grow and become who He wants me to be.
[And... I'd really like to avoid being thumped out (I mean, if He so chooses to start doing that. Ha)] :)
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
the details of life
I firmly believe that God directs every single detail of the paths of our lives, to be and go exactly where He intended us to go and to end up, even with the "free will" we have, exactly where He wants us to end up. It's pretty neat to look back and see that, while we made certain decisions, His fingerprints are all over our paths. This past week, as reflections from the past year or so were discussed, I was blown away at His incredible attention to the details.... :)
[to see what I mean, keep reading]
September 2009.
One and a half years ago...
...Lane and I hunted each other down after a Shane & Shane concert so we could take this picture. We had texted throughout the entire concert, and I'm sure I was more focused on the phone conversation than on the stage. We'd been friends since earlier that summer, after we'd been introduced a 2nd time (I actually didn't remember meeting him the first time. oops. lol). From June to September we became really good friends. Best friends. We'd talked about everything under the sun, from relationships to family to school to Jesus to other life things. There was this crazy amount of transparency in our conversations, and our communication was unbelievable. As I look back at that time in our friendship, I remember how easy it was to talk to him, and how he was the first guy I'd been friends with in a long time where I felt like I could speak my mind and heart, and never feel like he was going to shoot me down or make fun of my ideas and the things that were important to me. He listened. And yet, he also gave his opinion and talked about things in his life. And he made me laugh. A lot. His humor and wit were a staple in our friendship and he had this way of making my days better. Our friendship was something really special.
[And I secretly thought he was cute.] :)
March 2010. Our first picture together as a couple.
One year ago...
...I had just gotten back from a Mavs game in Dallas with my family. Lane and I had been texting throughout the game. I remember being overly concerned that my phone was going to die in the middle of our convo, and made sure to plug it in as soon as we got in the car. Haha! I was being kind of cautious with him because a week prior we had talked about how we wanted to hang out and he made it pretty clear that he just wanted a friendship (he had gotten out of a relationship a little over a month before). It really hadn't crossed my mind to be anything more than friends, but after his comment, it seemed to stick in my thoughts. During our Mavs game convo, the subject of hanging out was brought up again. Part of me wanted to find an excuse so as to avoid the same type of conversation that we'd had the week before, but the other part of me really wanted to see and hang out with my friend. :) We decided to hang out on Sunday, as he would be passing through my town anyway on his way from his parents house back to ETBU. It was spring break, but he had to work so he was heading back to campus.
I remember being a little nervous waiting on him to get there, but I quickly pep-talked myself into chill mode. :) After all, we were just friends, and had been for a while, and he'd already made the comment about hanging out as friends (yes, he only mentioned it once, but for a girl - once it's said, it's stuck in our minds. ridiculous, i know. ha.).
Long story made short - Lane showed up and we laughed and talked for several hours. And by several, I actually mean like 8. I don't even remember if we moved from where we were sitting, or if we even ate supper. Haha. It was one my most favorite days. :) But the cool part - was that in the middle of our conversation, it was like God was just ever-present, controlling our convo and bringing up random topics and things we had in common that proved to be part of the "little details" thing I mentioned at the beginning.
[And that was just day one.]
The rest of the week was spent laughing and talking and watching movies and cooking and learning about each other. Our communication was impeccable! I'd definitely rate it in my top 5 spring breaks in my life. I won't bore you with all the little details about our first week together, but I will say that it was amazing to watch God break down barriers in both of our hearts, heal broken wounds, and I'm pretty sure we said "this is crazy!" 15 thousand times as we watched Him intricately develop our friendship into a relationship. As much as we tried, we couldn't really put into words the cool stuff He was doing with us. :)
[and over the next few months, I fell in love. beautiful, perfect, fun love. (seriously)]
March 2011. Our most recent picture together.
One year later...
...and I still catch myself saying "this is crazy" sometimes. Because we love being together, and hanging out with each other watching movies or playing Super Nintendo or other things that most people would consider boring or lame. But we like them and we have fun :) And we don't fight or argue (in fact, we were talking this week about how while there are things we have disagreed on, we've never gotten into an argument about them. it's crazy, i know, but it's SO really cool, too!). And we love talking to one another. And we love being in love. And I still can't explain our relationship in words that you'd understand. And I still love this man a ridiculous amount. And he still makes me laugh - a lot. (And, every once in a while, I get to be the funny one, and he laughs at something I've said. But this has only happened like 3 times in the past year. Ha.) And our communication is still awesome. I could sit here and give you tons of examples, and ways in which communication has been the key to our relationship, but instead let me just say that other than Jesus and humor, communication is definitely in the top 3 of why we get to fall in love every day. :)
[I'll move on and not bore you with more mushy gushy stuff about how much I love Lane Patrick McClung, and list all the reasons why. I'm pretty sure if you've been around either of us for very long, you kinda pick up on the fact that we kinda like being around each other, and we kinda enjoy each other, and we kinda love each other. :)]
And about all the little intricate details that God keeps using to pave our paths... well, they keep popping up everywhere, and blowing my mind. And then, this morning as I was getting ready, I was reminded again of exactly how important details are to God...
[Mmm...so so good. :)]
And the cool thing is that this is just one small example from my life of the "little details" that He has used. I could write post after post about His attention to things. :)
So...sign me up for another year :) I can't imagine what else You have in store for me. Surely it can't get much better than this.
And bring on the little details :) I'm ready.
[to see what I mean, keep reading]
September 2009.
One and a half years ago...
...Lane and I hunted each other down after a Shane & Shane concert so we could take this picture. We had texted throughout the entire concert, and I'm sure I was more focused on the phone conversation than on the stage. We'd been friends since earlier that summer, after we'd been introduced a 2nd time (I actually didn't remember meeting him the first time. oops. lol). From June to September we became really good friends. Best friends. We'd talked about everything under the sun, from relationships to family to school to Jesus to other life things. There was this crazy amount of transparency in our conversations, and our communication was unbelievable. As I look back at that time in our friendship, I remember how easy it was to talk to him, and how he was the first guy I'd been friends with in a long time where I felt like I could speak my mind and heart, and never feel like he was going to shoot me down or make fun of my ideas and the things that were important to me. He listened. And yet, he also gave his opinion and talked about things in his life. And he made me laugh. A lot. His humor and wit were a staple in our friendship and he had this way of making my days better. Our friendship was something really special.
[And I secretly thought he was cute.] :)
March 2010. Our first picture together as a couple.
One year ago...
...I had just gotten back from a Mavs game in Dallas with my family. Lane and I had been texting throughout the game. I remember being overly concerned that my phone was going to die in the middle of our convo, and made sure to plug it in as soon as we got in the car. Haha! I was being kind of cautious with him because a week prior we had talked about how we wanted to hang out and he made it pretty clear that he just wanted a friendship (he had gotten out of a relationship a little over a month before). It really hadn't crossed my mind to be anything more than friends, but after his comment, it seemed to stick in my thoughts. During our Mavs game convo, the subject of hanging out was brought up again. Part of me wanted to find an excuse so as to avoid the same type of conversation that we'd had the week before, but the other part of me really wanted to see and hang out with my friend. :) We decided to hang out on Sunday, as he would be passing through my town anyway on his way from his parents house back to ETBU. It was spring break, but he had to work so he was heading back to campus.
I remember being a little nervous waiting on him to get there, but I quickly pep-talked myself into chill mode. :) After all, we were just friends, and had been for a while, and he'd already made the comment about hanging out as friends (yes, he only mentioned it once, but for a girl - once it's said, it's stuck in our minds. ridiculous, i know. ha.).
Long story made short - Lane showed up and we laughed and talked for several hours. And by several, I actually mean like 8. I don't even remember if we moved from where we were sitting, or if we even ate supper. Haha. It was one my most favorite days. :) But the cool part - was that in the middle of our conversation, it was like God was just ever-present, controlling our convo and bringing up random topics and things we had in common that proved to be part of the "little details" thing I mentioned at the beginning.
[And that was just day one.]
The rest of the week was spent laughing and talking and watching movies and cooking and learning about each other. Our communication was impeccable! I'd definitely rate it in my top 5 spring breaks in my life. I won't bore you with all the little details about our first week together, but I will say that it was amazing to watch God break down barriers in both of our hearts, heal broken wounds, and I'm pretty sure we said "this is crazy!" 15 thousand times as we watched Him intricately develop our friendship into a relationship. As much as we tried, we couldn't really put into words the cool stuff He was doing with us. :)
[and over the next few months, I fell in love. beautiful, perfect, fun love. (seriously)]
March 2011. Our most recent picture together.
One year later...
...and I still catch myself saying "this is crazy" sometimes. Because we love being together, and hanging out with each other watching movies or playing Super Nintendo or other things that most people would consider boring or lame. But we like them and we have fun :) And we don't fight or argue (in fact, we were talking this week about how while there are things we have disagreed on, we've never gotten into an argument about them. it's crazy, i know, but it's SO really cool, too!). And we love talking to one another. And we love being in love. And I still can't explain our relationship in words that you'd understand. And I still love this man a ridiculous amount. And he still makes me laugh - a lot. (And, every once in a while, I get to be the funny one, and he laughs at something I've said. But this has only happened like 3 times in the past year. Ha.) And our communication is still awesome. I could sit here and give you tons of examples, and ways in which communication has been the key to our relationship, but instead let me just say that other than Jesus and humor, communication is definitely in the top 3 of why we get to fall in love every day. :)
[I'll move on and not bore you with more mushy gushy stuff about how much I love Lane Patrick McClung, and list all the reasons why. I'm pretty sure if you've been around either of us for very long, you kinda pick up on the fact that we kinda like being around each other, and we kinda enjoy each other, and we kinda love each other. :)]
And about all the little intricate details that God keeps using to pave our paths... well, they keep popping up everywhere, and blowing my mind. And then, this morning as I was getting ready, I was reminded again of exactly how important details are to God...
"The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
He delights in every detail of their lives" [PSalm 37:23]
[Mmm...so so good. :)]
And the cool thing is that this is just one small example from my life of the "little details" that He has used. I could write post after post about His attention to things. :)
So...sign me up for another year :) I can't imagine what else You have in store for me. Surely it can't get much better than this.
And bring on the little details :) I'm ready.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
from the heart of teenagers
My kids have these journals...
They've decorated the front and adorned the pages with their words. They write daily entries as well as ten topics per six weeks that are to be done on their own time. On the first day I told them that if there was ever anything in their journals that they didn't want me to read, then they could fold the page and I wouldn't read it. And I have kept my word. I was worried, at first, that my kiddos would turn down every page and try to sneak by the assignment, but I was proved wrong (and humbled) as I read page after page. While there were some who have chosen to ear-mark things they'd rather keep for their eyes only, as we're embarking on the 5th six weeks, it has been amazing to see that fewer of the pages are turned down.
[And how many of them are beginning to actually pour their hearts onto the pages.]
I've told them to be honest...and they have. From weekly crushes and relationships with their parents, to struggles (or joys) in their lives and their beliefs in God. I am amazed at how wise they are, and am in awe of their brutal honesty, their transparentness, their innocence, and their beautiful hearts.
Some have been through more in their first fifteen years of life than I will see in a lifetime. Some have experienced incredible tragedy, while others have lived full lives, complete with parents that are still married, food that comes readily on the table, and the "typical American family" household. Some are hurting, daily. While others are having the best time of their lives.
They are funny and sarcastic, truthful and, at times, lazy with their work, but they're real. They've written ridiculous stories they've made up and made a list of things they're thankful for. They've had to find quotes that sum up their lives, and research poetry that pulls the emotions from their heart. (and I am not naive to think that most of them pick the first quote/poem they can find, because to make effort requires work and work is not their thing.) This past six weeks they wrote a letter to themselves 10 years from now, and expressed things they'd like to change about high school.
In fact, it was that last topic that caught me off guard as I was reading their journals for this six weeks (in between DNOW/Amped events last weekend). Most talked about the cafeteria food, the rules, going through high school without the drama among their student body, starting later in the day, and being able to use their cell phones in class. But, there were a few - in fact almost 10 of my 60 kids - whose journals expressed a change that really broke my heart.
Their change? They'd like teachers that aren't selfish, and that truly care about them (even when they're being turds).
[Wow.]
They didn't mention names, but I felt a pierce in my heart anyway. I try really hard to be sweet to all of my students - even to the ones who try my patience. I try to make time for each of them, to listen when they want to talk about what's on their mind. And when their heartaches spill over to their faces, and they can't hide the pain of the day, I know they'd rather be anywhere except sitting in English class learning about how to answer open-ended TAKS questions. But there are days when I'd rather send them elsewhere. Their laziness, attitudes, and lack of kindness gets to my nerves and the rumor of "Ms. Hinkle being in a bad mood" begins to swirl about the hallway. Their journals admitted to the fact that they know they are annoying sometimes, that the kids from the class period before might have made us mad, and that they do realize that we have bad days (and that we're not perfect).
But, as they became vulnerable in the pages of their journals, I became convicted.
No, they weren't specifically talking about me, but I could easily put myself in the situations they'd experienced, knowing that there have been times where I didn't breathe love into their lives that day. Thankfully, they still love me, even when I'm (way) less than lovable.
I won't drag this out any longer than it needs to be, but I will say that their words reminded me of 2 things.
#1 - 1 Thess 5:16. "Be joyful always." I know we aren't commanded to be "happy" all the time, because that would be ridiculously impossible as we're human and sometimes the things of this world just squash our laughter. But, we are told to be joyful. That means that even in the midst of unhappy times, I can exude joy. And perhaps, find a reason within to smile :)
#2 - 1 John 3:11. "This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another." We are commanded to love. And this goes hand in hand with 1 Corinthians 13. After all, love is supposed to be "patient and kind", and added in there somewhere is the part about "keeping no record of wrongs" (even with my kiddos). And, since love "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres," I should really work on doing the same.
After all, not only is my joy and love important for 60 teenagers at 100 Rebel Road, but it's important in being a child of Christ, and being that example everywhere I go.
So,....how's your heart and attitude with those in your life? Are you putting yourself (and your mood that day) first, or are you seeking out to show love to the people you come in contact with?
They've decorated the front and adorned the pages with their words. They write daily entries as well as ten topics per six weeks that are to be done on their own time. On the first day I told them that if there was ever anything in their journals that they didn't want me to read, then they could fold the page and I wouldn't read it. And I have kept my word. I was worried, at first, that my kiddos would turn down every page and try to sneak by the assignment, but I was proved wrong (and humbled) as I read page after page. While there were some who have chosen to ear-mark things they'd rather keep for their eyes only, as we're embarking on the 5th six weeks, it has been amazing to see that fewer of the pages are turned down.
[And how many of them are beginning to actually pour their hearts onto the pages.]
I've told them to be honest...and they have. From weekly crushes and relationships with their parents, to struggles (or joys) in their lives and their beliefs in God. I am amazed at how wise they are, and am in awe of their brutal honesty, their transparentness, their innocence, and their beautiful hearts.
Some have been through more in their first fifteen years of life than I will see in a lifetime. Some have experienced incredible tragedy, while others have lived full lives, complete with parents that are still married, food that comes readily on the table, and the "typical American family" household. Some are hurting, daily. While others are having the best time of their lives.
They are funny and sarcastic, truthful and, at times, lazy with their work, but they're real. They've written ridiculous stories they've made up and made a list of things they're thankful for. They've had to find quotes that sum up their lives, and research poetry that pulls the emotions from their heart. (and I am not naive to think that most of them pick the first quote/poem they can find, because to make effort requires work and work is not their thing.) This past six weeks they wrote a letter to themselves 10 years from now, and expressed things they'd like to change about high school.
In fact, it was that last topic that caught me off guard as I was reading their journals for this six weeks (in between DNOW/Amped events last weekend). Most talked about the cafeteria food, the rules, going through high school without the drama among their student body, starting later in the day, and being able to use their cell phones in class. But, there were a few - in fact almost 10 of my 60 kids - whose journals expressed a change that really broke my heart.
Their change? They'd like teachers that aren't selfish, and that truly care about them (even when they're being turds).
[Wow.]
They didn't mention names, but I felt a pierce in my heart anyway. I try really hard to be sweet to all of my students - even to the ones who try my patience. I try to make time for each of them, to listen when they want to talk about what's on their mind. And when their heartaches spill over to their faces, and they can't hide the pain of the day, I know they'd rather be anywhere except sitting in English class learning about how to answer open-ended TAKS questions. But there are days when I'd rather send them elsewhere. Their laziness, attitudes, and lack of kindness gets to my nerves and the rumor of "Ms. Hinkle being in a bad mood" begins to swirl about the hallway. Their journals admitted to the fact that they know they are annoying sometimes, that the kids from the class period before might have made us mad, and that they do realize that we have bad days (and that we're not perfect).
But, as they became vulnerable in the pages of their journals, I became convicted.
No, they weren't specifically talking about me, but I could easily put myself in the situations they'd experienced, knowing that there have been times where I didn't breathe love into their lives that day. Thankfully, they still love me, even when I'm (way) less than lovable.
I won't drag this out any longer than it needs to be, but I will say that their words reminded me of 2 things.
#1 - 1 Thess 5:16. "Be joyful always." I know we aren't commanded to be "happy" all the time, because that would be ridiculously impossible as we're human and sometimes the things of this world just squash our laughter. But, we are told to be joyful. That means that even in the midst of unhappy times, I can exude joy. And perhaps, find a reason within to smile :)
#2 - 1 John 3:11. "This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another." We are commanded to love. And this goes hand in hand with 1 Corinthians 13. After all, love is supposed to be "patient and kind", and added in there somewhere is the part about "keeping no record of wrongs" (even with my kiddos). And, since love "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres," I should really work on doing the same.
After all, not only is my joy and love important for 60 teenagers at 100 Rebel Road, but it's important in being a child of Christ, and being that example everywhere I go.
So,....how's your heart and attitude with those in your life? Are you putting yourself (and your mood that day) first, or are you seeking out to show love to the people you come in contact with?
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