i forget.

I forget a lot.


Dates. Birthdays. Appointments. Big events. Promises. Friends.

I forget to make lesson plans and respond to inbox messages. I forget that I really needed to call that person, just to say hi.


I forget to wear my retainer.

I forget You.


I get distracted. A lot. (Ask my students.)



I begin conversations only to realize hours later that the conversation was never finished; that I got distracted and the person walked away. I start projects and books, thank you cards and cards just to say “hello” only to find them months later, stuffed in a box or a bag, page ear-marked or envelope sealed, waiting to be finished or sent off.


My intentions are always good of course. I decide I’m going to wash dishes, only to look up and see that it’s 1045pm and I’d much rather crawl in my bed than spend 15 minutes loading/unloading and getting dishwater hands. In fact, I plan many things only to realize that most of them fall by the wayside, waiting on me to step up and do them.


I get distracted a lot. And then I miss You.



Life gets so chaotic sometimes.


I let life get so chaotic sometimes. I squeeze 20 hours worth of stuff into a 8 hour work day. I say ‘yes’ because it’s the right thing to do. I fill my box with as many things as I possibly can, because to say ‘no’ or ‘next time’ means to disappoint. And in my mind to disappoint equals failure. And with all I’ve crammed, I get so stressed and frustrated and tired…and I forget.

I picked up my bible for the first time yesterday. in over a week.

It’s been longer than that before.


I don’t suggest it. I don’t encourage it. But I find it a little…ironic…that the page I turned to in my devotional was exactly what I needed to hear. I was a little afraid to open it, for I was sure that as soon as I’d crack the cover, He’d send angels and Moses straight to my bedroom to chastise me and put me in my place.


(Ok, so that was a little overrated. And I really didn’t think that would happen, though I’m sure He could pull it off…)

Did you know that God told Gideon that He wanted to use him to save Israel and that Gideon questioned God three times? Did you know that when God told Gideon He wanted to use him that Gideon asked God to prove Himself? I was reading this yesterday and laughed. Outloud. Yep.

Then I realized…that I do the same thing.

I forget.


I get distracted.


And I ask the God of this universe, the Creator, Savior, …the Star Namer and the Path Carver …to prove Himself to me.



Ha.

As if He didn’t do enough that Friday on Calvary. And the following Sunday.

But I ask anyway.


And…just like Gideon…He looks at me like I’m crazy and says no He shows me how mighty and powerful and gracious and loving and…. faithful He is.


He makes the fleece wet and the ground dry. (and I ask again).


So He makes the fleece dry and the ground wet. (until I finally ”get it”).


But, despite my lack of faith sometimes, He remains faithful. Always.



“if we are faithless, he will remain faithful, for he cannot disown himself” (thanks Kayce for reminding me of this).


even when I forget.


even when I get distracted.

even when I (stupidly) ask for proof.


over. and over.

He is faithful.