This will more than likely be a less heart wrenching post than the last few. That’s mainly because I have this new ’easy going’ – no stress – outlook on life. There are some things I can control, and others I simply cannot, so I’ve decided there is no point in worrying or thinking about it.
At the current moment I am watching the Dallas Mavericks game, and I am reminded just how much I love basketball season. Don’t get me wrong, football is great, but I honestly get really tired of it. On the other hand, I could watch HS football any given Friday night for months on end and never tire, but TV football is just too much. That’s the big plus to being a HS teacher, – getting to watch your kids play on Friday night. But that ends in a few weeks and I am thrilled that it’s time for the OC Rebels (and the Mavs!!) to hit the court. Not only is it getting colder but standing on the sidelines while your nose gets frostbitten is not my idea of fun. Hallelujah for basketball being inside!
*side note* the Mavs really stink at rebounding. They should work on that *end side note*
In other news, my sister is coming in this weekend. I’ll only get to see her for a while on Friday, and I’ve really been missing her lately so I am super excited!! Then next weekend my best friend is coming to town! (and hopefully moving here soon after that) I get to spend time with 2 of my most favorite people in the world in back to back weekends. That is definitely reason enough to celebrate!
In more news, I really enjoy hearing my kids at school talk about God and their lives with Him. Hearing that they are reading their bibles or how He’s working in their lives is such a huge blessing. There are also two of my seniors (on my newspaper staff) who are attending ETBU shadow day in December. I know one is set on going there (and becoming a teacher!) and I’m praying for both of them as God shows them the path for their life and as they obey His direction for them. I know God has big big plans for both of them and I am so excited that I get to be a part of their lives beyond graduation! Praise the Lord for a chance to hear His name at public school!
final news – im exhausted. the game is ending. mavs lost. by 10.blah.
g o o d n i g h t .
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
here and now...
I’ve been learning lately that it is so incredibly important to find contentment in the present. It is so easy to dwell on the “i wish i hads” and ”if onlys” in life – that we can miss the great things that are right in front of our eyes. I have been guilty of that so much in the past – saying over and over again that if i had this job, this car, this house, this guy, this whatever, then my life would be a perfect bed of roses, that then I would and could be happy. I’ve caught myself thinking about the past, about wonderful things/people that I wish were still a part of my everyday world- and feeling that if I had worked harder at certain relationships then things would’ve turned out differently; then those people/things would still exist in my world today.
But I can’t control those things – the past - I can’t go back and change the situation or the words said, I can’t undo the outcome and take a different path. I can’t wonder what could have been or spend time going over the conversations in my head trying to figure out what I could have said/done differently. After all, even if I close my eyes and squeeze them tight enough…when I open them, the situation will still be the same, life will still be the same.
But I can take advantage of the here and now, of the chance to establish meaningful moments, without worrying or even thinking about what tomorrow brings. I am only guaranteed this moment, after all, so why not take advantage of the greatness that lies in it? Of course, there are times when my emotions get the best of me and I begin to wonder and dream and desire so badly for the future, to know what my life will be like someday. It’s moments like this where the Lord reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11,that he already has my life planned out, and all I need to do is trust Him, and follow as He lays each day out before me.
All that said, I’m pretty content with life these days. For the first time in a long time, I am learning to thrive; to be ok with where I am. I’m not saying that it is easy. There are many times where I have to give myself a pep talk and write notes to myself all over my mirror reminding me to focus my attention on other things. I am looking forward to the future, to what God has decided to bless my life with. And while I yearn for those days, I choose to simply be content with the now.
But I can’t control those things – the past - I can’t go back and change the situation or the words said, I can’t undo the outcome and take a different path. I can’t wonder what could have been or spend time going over the conversations in my head trying to figure out what I could have said/done differently. After all, even if I close my eyes and squeeze them tight enough…when I open them, the situation will still be the same, life will still be the same.
But I can take advantage of the here and now, of the chance to establish meaningful moments, without worrying or even thinking about what tomorrow brings. I am only guaranteed this moment, after all, so why not take advantage of the greatness that lies in it? Of course, there are times when my emotions get the best of me and I begin to wonder and dream and desire so badly for the future, to know what my life will be like someday. It’s moments like this where the Lord reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11,that he already has my life planned out, and all I need to do is trust Him, and follow as He lays each day out before me.
All that said, I’m pretty content with life these days. For the first time in a long time, I am learning to thrive; to be ok with where I am. I’m not saying that it is easy. There are many times where I have to give myself a pep talk and write notes to myself all over my mirror reminding me to focus my attention on other things. I am looking forward to the future, to what God has decided to bless my life with. And while I yearn for those days, I choose to simply be content with the now.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
and so things change...
Oh how things change in a matter of weeks…there are days of complete bliss and some that I’d rather not live through. However, no matter what comes at me and through my life, there is a lesson to be learned and an opportunity to be changed, to grow, to …etc.
The other day I started (and almost completed) a post about how selfish guys are and I even listed some scenarios explaining my very valid points. I griped and complained and shared my opinion on the male population…pretty bluntly might I add. But for some reason I didn’t publish it. Today, I’m pretty glad I didn’t.
For the better part of this weekend – and I’m sure I’ll change my mind again someday – I realized that not all guys are selfish, all about themselves, kind of people. I’m not sure why this particular person entered my life in a new way this weekend, but I’m completely grateful for him. This new friendship has definitely caused a new outlook for me, even after only a few conversations. I’m sure you’re thinking that that’s crazy – and honestly, I think so myself, but something keeps drawing me back to our conversations and to the words said.
For the first time in my entire life – yes, entire – a guy seemed (and I’m pretty sure it was genuine) to want to know as much about me as he shared about himself. I felt like it mattered what I said and it was evident he listened when he recalled topics from previous conversations. I don’t do vulnerability very well but for some reason I felt comfortable talking with him. Laughter (both at and with each other) was pretty prevalent and I never once felt like I was being made fun of or picked on. Please don’t misunderstand me and think that I want things to be all about me, all the time, but I can’t explain (and if you are a girl reading this then you understand) how refreshing it is to be listened to and to have someone engage in the other side of a conversation. There have been so many moments throughout my life when talking was one-sided or the only response consisted of “uh huh” and “yea” as if they were present physically but otherwise completely removed from the conversation. But this time – it’s been different…
I’m not sure why exactly our paths have crossed, but I can definitely tell you that it has opened my eyes and blessed my heart and I am very excited to watch the friendship unfold. Praise the Lord for great moments and new friends.
The other day I started (and almost completed) a post about how selfish guys are and I even listed some scenarios explaining my very valid points. I griped and complained and shared my opinion on the male population…pretty bluntly might I add. But for some reason I didn’t publish it. Today, I’m pretty glad I didn’t.
For the better part of this weekend – and I’m sure I’ll change my mind again someday – I realized that not all guys are selfish, all about themselves, kind of people. I’m not sure why this particular person entered my life in a new way this weekend, but I’m completely grateful for him. This new friendship has definitely caused a new outlook for me, even after only a few conversations. I’m sure you’re thinking that that’s crazy – and honestly, I think so myself, but something keeps drawing me back to our conversations and to the words said.
For the first time in my entire life – yes, entire – a guy seemed (and I’m pretty sure it was genuine) to want to know as much about me as he shared about himself. I felt like it mattered what I said and it was evident he listened when he recalled topics from previous conversations. I don’t do vulnerability very well but for some reason I felt comfortable talking with him. Laughter (both at and with each other) was pretty prevalent and I never once felt like I was being made fun of or picked on. Please don’t misunderstand me and think that I want things to be all about me, all the time, but I can’t explain (and if you are a girl reading this then you understand) how refreshing it is to be listened to and to have someone engage in the other side of a conversation. There have been so many moments throughout my life when talking was one-sided or the only response consisted of “uh huh” and “yea” as if they were present physically but otherwise completely removed from the conversation. But this time – it’s been different…
I’m not sure why exactly our paths have crossed, but I can definitely tell you that it has opened my eyes and blessed my heart and I am very excited to watch the friendship unfold. Praise the Lord for great moments and new friends.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. - Hebrews 11:6
This is the verse of the week in my bible study that I am supposed to meditate on and memorize. I am absolutely horrible at memorizing stuff (even in college - i crammed, took a test, and forgot almost everything i "memorized"). I want so bad to live out Psalm 119:11 in my life but my human nature just takes over and my laziness kicks in and I simply don't do it. (to be honest). But lately I've really been convicted about it. I mean, I find time for my favorite tv shows, working out, reading a book, and doing meaningless crap on the internet, yet I fail when it comes to really learning and diving into the Living Word of our God.
As I read the verse I developed a small arrogance because I thought I didn't need to mediate on this because I have faith and I trust God and I ...etc. right? I obey when He asks me to be nice to the checker at Walmart, or when there's an opportunity to talk with the Christian girls in my class about their walks, or when I'm at camp sharing my heart, or when finances are good, or when my day is perfect, or when I'm healthy and happy, and.... when believing and having faith is ...easy.
So as I began Sunday night - I ever so gently reminded the Lord that I did not need this verse, that I have faith and I do trust Him, that I didn't understand why He wanted me to meditate on this specific verse this week. Little did I know that He had something very specific to share with me...
As I was getting ready on Monday morning I began to memorize the beginning of the verse (I had posted it on my mirror). Feeling very proud that I could check off another thing I completed on my "to be a better Christian" list, I went about my day. On Tuesday I continued my routine and prepared to learn the 2nd part of the verse, when God asked me a question. Almost audibly (or so it seemed to me) He said "Lindsey, do you have the faith as a mustard seed? What about like those who have come before you? Do you have faith like Joshua and the Red Sea or the sick woman who touched the hem of My garment, or what about Noah?"
I started thinking about faith. I tried to put myself in Noah's shoes, to say that I could completely and totally trust, that I would have unwavering faith in that situation. But I know that I would have probably argued and cried my way through the entire thing, doing it more out of fear than faith, hoping with all my might that the weather forcasters would at least predict rain so I didn't look like a complete idiot. Then I thought about Joshua, and how God said to go to the Red Sea and that He would allow them to pass through onto dry land. Joshua and the people walked toward the sea, and didn't freak out when they stepped into the water and it didn't part. They kept walking, and then it parted. wow. They obeyed completely. They didn't come to the water, stop and say "ok God, part it now or we aren't crossing." And the sick woman who touched Jesus' cloak (it's in Mark). wow. Not so sure I have faith like that (like any of those).
And almost immediately as I was telling myself that there would be no way I could be like Noah or Joshua or the many other men and women that have endured and trusted and had faith...God said, "Lindsey, faith doesn't mean everything is perfect and that you'll have complete peace throughout the entire process. It doesn't mean that you can't ask questions or wonder why I've asked you to do something, say something, go somewhere, etc. After all, you aren't Me and you can't see the big picture of things. I don't ask you to be a perfect child and not wonder, I simply ask that you trust Me, trust My plan, and follow right in line behind Me. I will take care of you, I will protect and provide for you, and I will always, always walk with you. And in the end, because you have trusted Me I will reward you and bless you. So let Me guide you, and let Me teach you about true faith. You may not understand My words now, but as I continue to unfold your life, you will see and you will understand. Remember that faith isn't just saying you believe in Me and trust Me, but it's following through with that when I take you through something that's hard for you."
wow.
You see, it's not that I struggle with faith, I mean after all, I have a pretty easy life. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'll have food on my table, or a roof over my head. I don't have to figure out where I'll work each day, or if I'll even have a job. I don't have to worry about being prosecuted for my walk with the Lord or for talking about Him in my life. I don't have to have faith that I will not be killed for my devotion to Him or for ....and the list could go on. I don't struggle with faith, because I have no been put in a position where complete faith was needed. I mean sure I had to (and still do) have to have faith that God exists, but for me that's easy, because I was raised to believe that and so I just ...do.
And so this week (already), God is using this verse on faith to teach me (now) for what He'll take me through (in the future). Preparation. I am being reminded that faith is so much bigger than the good days, or the happy moments, or the times when life is peaches and rainbows. Faith is believing and trusting and following even when it's hard, even when we have questions, even when we feel the desire to argue and complain because we don't understand, even when we wonder why in the world He is taking us down a certain path that we don't particularly like and having us go through things we aren't really fond of, things that hurt us and make us struggle with trust. Faith ...simply put...is stepping out, all the time, even when we don't like it, and putting our trust (no matter what the situation) in the One who created faith to begin with. :)
This is the verse of the week in my bible study that I am supposed to meditate on and memorize. I am absolutely horrible at memorizing stuff (even in college - i crammed, took a test, and forgot almost everything i "memorized"). I want so bad to live out Psalm 119:11 in my life but my human nature just takes over and my laziness kicks in and I simply don't do it. (to be honest). But lately I've really been convicted about it. I mean, I find time for my favorite tv shows, working out, reading a book, and doing meaningless crap on the internet, yet I fail when it comes to really learning and diving into the Living Word of our God.
As I read the verse I developed a small arrogance because I thought I didn't need to mediate on this because I have faith and I trust God and I ...etc. right? I obey when He asks me to be nice to the checker at Walmart, or when there's an opportunity to talk with the Christian girls in my class about their walks, or when I'm at camp sharing my heart, or when finances are good, or when my day is perfect, or when I'm healthy and happy, and.... when believing and having faith is ...easy.
So as I began Sunday night - I ever so gently reminded the Lord that I did not need this verse, that I have faith and I do trust Him, that I didn't understand why He wanted me to meditate on this specific verse this week. Little did I know that He had something very specific to share with me...
As I was getting ready on Monday morning I began to memorize the beginning of the verse (I had posted it on my mirror). Feeling very proud that I could check off another thing I completed on my "to be a better Christian" list, I went about my day. On Tuesday I continued my routine and prepared to learn the 2nd part of the verse, when God asked me a question. Almost audibly (or so it seemed to me) He said "Lindsey, do you have the faith as a mustard seed? What about like those who have come before you? Do you have faith like Joshua and the Red Sea or the sick woman who touched the hem of My garment, or what about Noah?"
I started thinking about faith. I tried to put myself in Noah's shoes, to say that I could completely and totally trust, that I would have unwavering faith in that situation. But I know that I would have probably argued and cried my way through the entire thing, doing it more out of fear than faith, hoping with all my might that the weather forcasters would at least predict rain so I didn't look like a complete idiot. Then I thought about Joshua, and how God said to go to the Red Sea and that He would allow them to pass through onto dry land. Joshua and the people walked toward the sea, and didn't freak out when they stepped into the water and it didn't part. They kept walking, and then it parted. wow. They obeyed completely. They didn't come to the water, stop and say "ok God, part it now or we aren't crossing." And the sick woman who touched Jesus' cloak (it's in Mark). wow. Not so sure I have faith like that (like any of those).
And almost immediately as I was telling myself that there would be no way I could be like Noah or Joshua or the many other men and women that have endured and trusted and had faith...God said, "Lindsey, faith doesn't mean everything is perfect and that you'll have complete peace throughout the entire process. It doesn't mean that you can't ask questions or wonder why I've asked you to do something, say something, go somewhere, etc. After all, you aren't Me and you can't see the big picture of things. I don't ask you to be a perfect child and not wonder, I simply ask that you trust Me, trust My plan, and follow right in line behind Me. I will take care of you, I will protect and provide for you, and I will always, always walk with you. And in the end, because you have trusted Me I will reward you and bless you. So let Me guide you, and let Me teach you about true faith. You may not understand My words now, but as I continue to unfold your life, you will see and you will understand. Remember that faith isn't just saying you believe in Me and trust Me, but it's following through with that when I take you through something that's hard for you."
wow.
You see, it's not that I struggle with faith, I mean after all, I have a pretty easy life. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'll have food on my table, or a roof over my head. I don't have to figure out where I'll work each day, or if I'll even have a job. I don't have to worry about being prosecuted for my walk with the Lord or for talking about Him in my life. I don't have to have faith that I will not be killed for my devotion to Him or for ....and the list could go on. I don't struggle with faith, because I have no been put in a position where complete faith was needed. I mean sure I had to (and still do) have to have faith that God exists, but for me that's easy, because I was raised to believe that and so I just ...do.
And so this week (already), God is using this verse on faith to teach me (now) for what He'll take me through (in the future). Preparation. I am being reminded that faith is so much bigger than the good days, or the happy moments, or the times when life is peaches and rainbows. Faith is believing and trusting and following even when it's hard, even when we have questions, even when we feel the desire to argue and complain because we don't understand, even when we wonder why in the world He is taking us down a certain path that we don't particularly like and having us go through things we aren't really fond of, things that hurt us and make us struggle with trust. Faith ...simply put...is stepping out, all the time, even when we don't like it, and putting our trust (no matter what the situation) in the One who created faith to begin with. :)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
wow.
great weekend. quick weekend, but a great one nonetheless.
It all started with friday night football. I watched the Rebels give their hearts on that football field only to come up short in the end. I am absolutely and incredibly proud of them. The roommate went with and hung out with me and Traci as we took pictures on the sideline. There were definitely some much needed fun and laughable times. :)
On saturday I went car shopping. drove a 09 tribute. loved it. absolutely loved it. a lot. :) missed the Texas game to look at/test drive suvs. After grocery shopping and doing some laundry, the most wonderful Adam came over for some friend time. I definitely needed that too. It's always great to hang with him - I am very thankful for him, that's for sure. Also got to talk to Luke from all the way at the Navy Base in Chicago. I am overwhelmingly proud of him and am so blessed to be able to be a part of his time there. It's great hearing about his life there - he's grown up so much. Great talk - but went to bed really late.
Today was spent at church where the Lord reminded me that His power is bigger than anything I face - the economy, my students, life,... Tiffany and I went to lunch at Cheddars and then to a movie with Traci. I cannot tell you the last time I went to a movie. I didn't love the movie (Nights in Rodanthe) but I did enjoy some time out :)
The past few hours have been spent taking a nap, making a test for my 8th graders tomorrow (Fahrenheit 451 part 3), and relaxing with Brothers and Sisters on in the background.
It's been a whirlwind of a weekend - a great one - but a busy one. I'm not sure I'm looking forward to the week (teaching writing stuff to 9th graders, and wrapping up a novel with the 8th graders), but we do get Friday off because of Yamboree. :) Friday will be another Rebel football game and ETBU homecoming on Saturday. :) ....
well i need to get going ...this is very scattered but it's my attempt to update whomever reads this on my life and what's been going on. I am praying for all of you and hope you have an incredible week.
lots of love!! :)
(oh - and i've lost 9 lbs!!)
great weekend. quick weekend, but a great one nonetheless.
It all started with friday night football. I watched the Rebels give their hearts on that football field only to come up short in the end. I am absolutely and incredibly proud of them. The roommate went with and hung out with me and Traci as we took pictures on the sideline. There were definitely some much needed fun and laughable times. :)
On saturday I went car shopping. drove a 09 tribute. loved it. absolutely loved it. a lot. :) missed the Texas game to look at/test drive suvs. After grocery shopping and doing some laundry, the most wonderful Adam came over for some friend time. I definitely needed that too. It's always great to hang with him - I am very thankful for him, that's for sure. Also got to talk to Luke from all the way at the Navy Base in Chicago. I am overwhelmingly proud of him and am so blessed to be able to be a part of his time there. It's great hearing about his life there - he's grown up so much. Great talk - but went to bed really late.
Today was spent at church where the Lord reminded me that His power is bigger than anything I face - the economy, my students, life,... Tiffany and I went to lunch at Cheddars and then to a movie with Traci. I cannot tell you the last time I went to a movie. I didn't love the movie (Nights in Rodanthe) but I did enjoy some time out :)
The past few hours have been spent taking a nap, making a test for my 8th graders tomorrow (Fahrenheit 451 part 3), and relaxing with Brothers and Sisters on in the background.
It's been a whirlwind of a weekend - a great one - but a busy one. I'm not sure I'm looking forward to the week (teaching writing stuff to 9th graders, and wrapping up a novel with the 8th graders), but we do get Friday off because of Yamboree. :) Friday will be another Rebel football game and ETBU homecoming on Saturday. :) ....
well i need to get going ...this is very scattered but it's my attempt to update whomever reads this on my life and what's been going on. I am praying for all of you and hope you have an incredible week.
lots of love!! :)
(oh - and i've lost 9 lbs!!)
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
yeah yeah.
i know you dont read this, so maybe that's why i'm posting it. because i really need to get this out of my mind and off my heart.
you know, it's not really that hard....to just love.
i think we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be.
i think we think we have all this baggage and crap that we need to carry with us after each relationship, when in reality, with help that comes from the Lord, we can put it down, and move on. i know it's not easy, or fun, but it is possible.
i think that while we want true, wonderful, amazing love (well, "like" first), deep down we are absolutely scared of it, and therefore, run from it.
i think that if we were to get really honest, we would see that there are more pluses for us to be together than negatives.
i think that if words like this could be said in person instead of through a blog or a text message, that our lives would be a lot easier.
i think that the reason i get so frustrated with all this, is because i care for you.
i think that i'm not good enough for you.
i think we run because it's safe.
i think you are the most caring, amazing man i've ever met - ever. not only do you love Jesus, but you love your family and you are passionate about life and the things you are given in this life.
i think that it's because of the things you've been through in your life, that you are guarded.
i think that without those things, we would not be able to be friends today.
i think i've pushed you away from my heart for so long because i dont want it broken.
i think, honestly, that the conversations we've had in the past week have been the best ones of our friendship - well so was that week last year when we really jumped into the friendship.
i think that God still has stuff to do in us, and through us, and with us, before we step forward.
i think that i'm scared to lose you.
i think that while my heart wants to leap out of my chest and my brain goes in full swing when talking to you, that sometimes it's ok to feel that way, because it reminds me that i am alive and that i can still feel.
i think i'm ok with how things are now (no, i know i am ok).
i think i think too much.
you know, it's not really that hard....to just love.
i think we make it harder on ourselves than it needs to be.
i think we think we have all this baggage and crap that we need to carry with us after each relationship, when in reality, with help that comes from the Lord, we can put it down, and move on. i know it's not easy, or fun, but it is possible.
i think that while we want true, wonderful, amazing love (well, "like" first), deep down we are absolutely scared of it, and therefore, run from it.
i think that if we were to get really honest, we would see that there are more pluses for us to be together than negatives.
i think that if words like this could be said in person instead of through a blog or a text message, that our lives would be a lot easier.
i think that the reason i get so frustrated with all this, is because i care for you.
i think that i'm not good enough for you.
i think we run because it's safe.
i think you are the most caring, amazing man i've ever met - ever. not only do you love Jesus, but you love your family and you are passionate about life and the things you are given in this life.
i think that it's because of the things you've been through in your life, that you are guarded.
i think that without those things, we would not be able to be friends today.
i think i've pushed you away from my heart for so long because i dont want it broken.
i think, honestly, that the conversations we've had in the past week have been the best ones of our friendship - well so was that week last year when we really jumped into the friendship.
i think that God still has stuff to do in us, and through us, and with us, before we step forward.
i think that i'm scared to lose you.
i think that while my heart wants to leap out of my chest and my brain goes in full swing when talking to you, that sometimes it's ok to feel that way, because it reminds me that i am alive and that i can still feel.
i think i'm ok with how things are now (no, i know i am ok).
i think i think too much.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
:)
"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord..." Philippians 3:8
yep.
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