lindsey marie

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. - Hebrews 11:6

This is the verse of the week in my bible study that I am supposed to meditate on and memorize. I am absolutely horrible at memorizing stuff (even in college - i crammed, took a test, and forgot almost everything i "memorized"). I want so bad to live out Psalm 119:11 in my life but my human nature just takes over and my laziness kicks in and I simply don't do it. (to be honest). But lately I've really been convicted about it. I mean, I find time for my favorite tv shows, working out, reading a book, and doing meaningless crap on the internet, yet I fail when it comes to really learning and diving into the Living Word of our God.

As I read the verse I developed a small arrogance because I thought I didn't need to mediate on this because I have faith and I trust God and I ...etc. right? I obey when He asks me to be nice to the checker at Walmart, or when there's an opportunity to talk with the Christian girls in my class about their walks, or when I'm at camp sharing my heart, or when finances are good, or when my day is perfect, or when I'm healthy and happy, and.... when believing and having faith is ...easy.

So as I began Sunday night - I ever so gently reminded the Lord that I did not need this verse, that I have faith and I do trust Him, that I didn't understand why He wanted me to meditate on this specific verse this week. Little did I know that He had something very specific to share with me...

As I was getting ready on Monday morning I began to memorize the beginning of the verse (I had posted it on my mirror). Feeling very proud that I could check off another thing I completed on my "to be a better Christian" list, I went about my day. On Tuesday I continued my routine and prepared to learn the 2nd part of the verse, when God asked me a question. Almost audibly (or so it seemed to me) He said "Lindsey, do you have the faith as a mustard seed? What about like those who have come before you? Do you have faith like Joshua and the Red Sea or the sick woman who touched the hem of My garment, or what about Noah?"

I started thinking about faith. I tried to put myself in Noah's shoes, to say that I could completely and totally trust, that I would have unwavering faith in that situation. But I know that I would have probably argued and cried my way through the entire thing, doing it more out of fear than faith, hoping with all my might that the weather forcasters would at least predict rain so I didn't look like a complete idiot. Then I thought about Joshua, and how God said to go to the Red Sea and that He would allow them to pass through onto dry land. Joshua and the people walked toward the sea, and didn't freak out when they stepped into the water and it didn't part. They kept walking, and then it parted. wow. They obeyed completely. They didn't come to the water, stop and say "ok God, part it now or we aren't crossing." And the sick woman who touched Jesus' cloak (it's in Mark). wow. Not so sure I have faith like that (like any of those).

And almost immediately as I was telling myself that there would be no way I could be like Noah or Joshua or the many other men and women that have endured and trusted and had faith...God said, "Lindsey, faith doesn't mean everything is perfect and that you'll have complete peace throughout the entire process. It doesn't mean that you can't ask questions or wonder why I've asked you to do something, say something, go somewhere, etc. After all, you aren't Me and you can't see the big picture of things. I don't ask you to be a perfect child and not wonder, I simply ask that you trust Me, trust My plan, and follow right in line behind Me. I will take care of you, I will protect and provide for you, and I will always, always walk with you. And in the end, because you have trusted Me I will reward you and bless you. So let Me guide you, and let Me teach you about true faith. You may not understand My words now, but as I continue to unfold your life, you will see and you will understand. Remember that faith isn't just saying you believe in Me and trust Me, but it's following through with that when I take you through something that's hard for you."

wow.

You see, it's not that I struggle with faith, I mean after all, I have a pretty easy life. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'll have food on my table, or a roof over my head. I don't have to figure out where I'll work each day, or if I'll even have a job. I don't have to worry about being prosecuted for my walk with the Lord or for talking about Him in my life. I don't have to have faith that I will not be killed for my devotion to Him or for ....and the list could go on. I don't struggle with faith, because I have no been put in a position where complete faith was needed. I mean sure I had to (and still do) have to have faith that God exists, but for me that's easy, because I was raised to believe that and so I just ...do.

And so this week (already), God is using this verse on faith to teach me (now) for what He'll take me through (in the future). Preparation. I am being reminded that faith is so much bigger than the good days, or the happy moments, or the times when life is peaches and rainbows. Faith is believing and trusting and following even when it's hard, even when we have questions, even when we feel the desire to argue and complain because we don't understand, even when we wonder why in the world He is taking us down a certain path that we don't particularly like and having us go through things we aren't really fond of, things that hurt us and make us struggle with trust. Faith ...simply put...is stepping out, all the time, even when we don't like it, and putting our trust (no matter what the situation) in the One who created faith to begin with. :)