It’s so ironic how things happen in life that you most certainly would not have written into your specific story. Great relationships. And not so great breakups. Conversations. Moments of perfect worship to your Savior. A friendship that has lasted (through thick and thin) for fifteen years. A friendship that ended too quickly. The death of a loved one. Marriages. Births. Moments of weakness. Moments of success. Moments of complete bliss and those you’d rather not live through again. No matter what the situation – both good and bad – if you really sit and look back at the moments of your life, you probably wouldn’t have planned them out for yourself. Of course, you would hope for some of the great moments, and you probably would have rather not had to go through some of the not so great moments, but if long ago someone handed you a piece of paper asking you to write out the specific moments you wanted to live through – you probably wouldn’t come close to dreaming up and writing down the things you’ve actually experienced.
Then there are those times when you look around your life, at the lives of others and their experiences, and wish that you could’ve experienced something similar to theirs, or perhaps you’d like to trade lives with them because they seem to just slide through life with no real difficult life problem or huge issue (according to your view of it). Or maybe their love life seems perfect, or their relationship with their family/siblings/friends seems so endearing, or maybe they experienced something magical or have a great talent that you’d love to write into your life. Or maybe their road to success seemed simple, or maybe their life at 24 is exactly where, if asked to write it out at 18, you would’ve written your life to be. Maybe their skin is flawless or their size 4 figure is something you secretly covet, or you wish you had an older brother or twin or ….and the list could go on and on and on.
All that to say, there are certain things that God forms into our life story that we could never create for ourselves quite in the way that He does. And there are certain things in which we think would be great for our life, or things that we get angry because we had to experience it, that God, in His infinite wisdom, shows us (sometimes we don’t realize until years later) that He added it into our story for a reason. And sometimes when we look at the horizon and the path seems to go in a direction that doesn’t seem right to us – His plan is perfect.
I was reading in Exodus the other day where Moses is taking the people from Egypt. Basically (and you should all go read it in chapter 13) God lead the people a different way (a longer and more difficult way – the wilderness) instead of straight through to where they needed to go. He took them through the wilderness and to the Red Sea (where He split the water and they walked through on dry land) …and I can just imagine their thoughts when traveling and their conversations with Moses. I imagine them pointing out that the other way was easier and faster; that they were tired and worn out and ready to get to a settled place, and going around the city was absolutely ridiculous. And then, when walking upon the Red Sea, shouting out complaints because now they were at an obstacle, and if they would’ve just gone the other way, they wouldn’t have to face this now. And Blah. Blah. Blah.
Anyway, the Lord (and Moses because of the Lord) looked at the situation in a completely different light. The Lord knew that if they walked through the city, the people would’ve seen the war, changed their minds, and turned back to Egypt. He knew that their human nature would take over and the idea that they knew best would overrule, and the road to freedom from Pharaoh would be backtracked.
Isn’t that how our lives are today (sometimes)? We walk through life, pointing out, that certain ways would be easier, faster, more efficient (in our minds) and that we could really learn a lot from going this certain way. In fact, we try, at times, to convince God that going through a certain obstacle isn’t something we really need right now, and that we’d really appreciate it, if we could try a different path. Or, maybe we really enjoy the way the Lord is taking us right now – maybe there isn’t anything we’d like to change and so we simply remind the Lord that we really like our life (and the amazing blessings He is placing there at the moment), and that we’d kindly appreciate if He could keep us going down this road. What we fail to realize, is that the Lord looks at the situation in a completely different light. He knows us. He knows that if we walk through a certain way, perhaps, that we would experience something and run – or experience something, love it, soak in it, and want to stay. What I think is so incredible about His plan, is that He knows where Lindsey needs to go. He knows what I need to experience and what I don’t. He knows the lessons that I need to learn, the ones I’ll struggle with learning, the ones I’ll pick up easily, and that some will take a little longer for me to grasp than others. He knows that sometimes, I need to be taken around the city, instead of through it, because – while I am trusting Him and following His guide, I might see war (or something great) and run back to where I came from (or want to stay). I believe wholeheartedly that God thought out each plan, individually, perfectly for our lives, and that He creates the paths specifically for each person. I believe that some people have to walk through the valleys because He wants them to truly be grateful for the mountain view. Maybe I need to experience struggle with obstacle A, while someone else doesn’t. Or that maybe I don’t need encouragement through blessing Q but someone else does.
Just as the people following Moses’ lead had no idea why they had to go around the city (and didn’t know that the great miracle of the Red Sea was coming), we sometimes don’t see beyond the horizon to the beautiful fullness that lies over the hill. Hmmm..how beautiful to know, that His plan is perfect, His ways are wise, and His footsteps are always leading in the right direction.
:)
Monday, February 23, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
oh to be loved...
As of Wednesday night, I was done. After weeks of complete exhaustion I am finished with desperately trying to “do the right thing” with something in my life. You see, I’ve always been the people pleaser. I’ve always been the one to immediately try to fix things (whether it be physical things or people issues), and I keep trying and putting forth effort over and over to force peace, even if it means being hurt in the process.
Over the past few weeks I’ve done just that: people please. I’ve forced effort that I didn’t really want to force, I’ve said things that I really didn’t believe in my heart, and I’ve pushed and pushed to try to make a friendship work that simply wasn’t working. All because it was the right thing to do.
(isn’t that absolutely ridiculous?)
And so, I’ve kept quiet. Actually, I didn’t really have words to say…to you, to my friends, even in prayer. My heart has been so heavy that when I tried to put into words, to explain to the Lord exactly how I felt and what was going on, …I couldn’t. Thankfully, we serve a God who can read our hearts when our human words fail. And so because I didn’t have words, I was forced to sit, to dwell in His presence, and to let Him do His thing. For the first two weeks there was silence: horrible, frustrating, silence where I begged God to speak, to tell me what to do, to fix and organize everything that was going on in my heart. Days passed as I struggled with waiting to hear His voice. Then, almost audibly, as if He was sitting on the edge of my bed (like my dad used to do when I was little and we had our father/daughter talks), He spoke to me ever so gently saying:
“Lindsey, I love you. Did you forget that? Do you understand that? I love you with an everlasting, all consuming love. A love that is so faithful and a love that is so real. I love you when you hurt, and when your world is all you hoped it would be. I love you when you fail, and when you succeed. And when you are on the top of the mountains of life – excited and screaming greatness for the world to hear – I love you. And when you’re crawling through the dark valley…so tired and full of frustration because you cannot see more than the step right in front of you…I love you and I am there (and I am here now). I told you that I will never take you to a place or through something that you cannot bare. My Word says that you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all of your heart..so seek Me, Lindsey. Seek Me always. Seek me when you’re on the mountain and seek Me when you are in the valley. Because I will always walk before you, and I will always speak for you when you don’t have the words, and I will always, always, guide your path in perfect ways. Even when those ways seem hard and pointless, or when they take you to places where your heart has to hurt. I do that because I love you. I do that because I want to teach you to rely on Me, to trust Me,..to seek Me.”
I cannot explain to you in simple words that would make you understand that multitude of that conversation. But I can explain to you in simple words that I am so awestruck still that He chooses to love me. He wants to love me. wow. In the valley or on the mountain. In the midst of happiness or tears. When the walk is rough and chaotic, and when it is smooth and peaceful. Always. I’ve always known that, but it became something so different when He revealed it to me that night.
And so I did just what He said. I sought Him. only Him. And I quit. I quit trying to please. I quit trying to figure things out. I quit trying to make peace, trying to find words, trying to whatever….. I just quit.
And because He is so perfect in planning my life, and because He knows exactly where to place me, where He wants me, and how to get me to that point (literally, emotionally, and spiritually), I believe He has me exactly where He wants me, right now, in this place, because He has something He needs me to do (or something to teach me or show me) that can’t be accomplished anywhere else, at any other time. So I’m going to stick to seeking Him, and I’m going to stick to doing whatever it is that He wants me to do or learn right now, at this moment, until He moves me from this moment, to another one, to do and learn whatever He needs me to do there.
hmm. to be loved. that much.
Over the past few weeks I’ve done just that: people please. I’ve forced effort that I didn’t really want to force, I’ve said things that I really didn’t believe in my heart, and I’ve pushed and pushed to try to make a friendship work that simply wasn’t working. All because it was the right thing to do.
(isn’t that absolutely ridiculous?)
And so, I’ve kept quiet. Actually, I didn’t really have words to say…to you, to my friends, even in prayer. My heart has been so heavy that when I tried to put into words, to explain to the Lord exactly how I felt and what was going on, …I couldn’t. Thankfully, we serve a God who can read our hearts when our human words fail. And so because I didn’t have words, I was forced to sit, to dwell in His presence, and to let Him do His thing. For the first two weeks there was silence: horrible, frustrating, silence where I begged God to speak, to tell me what to do, to fix and organize everything that was going on in my heart. Days passed as I struggled with waiting to hear His voice. Then, almost audibly, as if He was sitting on the edge of my bed (like my dad used to do when I was little and we had our father/daughter talks), He spoke to me ever so gently saying:
“Lindsey, I love you. Did you forget that? Do you understand that? I love you with an everlasting, all consuming love. A love that is so faithful and a love that is so real. I love you when you hurt, and when your world is all you hoped it would be. I love you when you fail, and when you succeed. And when you are on the top of the mountains of life – excited and screaming greatness for the world to hear – I love you. And when you’re crawling through the dark valley…so tired and full of frustration because you cannot see more than the step right in front of you…I love you and I am there (and I am here now). I told you that I will never take you to a place or through something that you cannot bare. My Word says that you will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all of your heart..so seek Me, Lindsey. Seek Me always. Seek me when you’re on the mountain and seek Me when you are in the valley. Because I will always walk before you, and I will always speak for you when you don’t have the words, and I will always, always, guide your path in perfect ways. Even when those ways seem hard and pointless, or when they take you to places where your heart has to hurt. I do that because I love you. I do that because I want to teach you to rely on Me, to trust Me,..to seek Me.”
I cannot explain to you in simple words that would make you understand that multitude of that conversation. But I can explain to you in simple words that I am so awestruck still that He chooses to love me. He wants to love me. wow. In the valley or on the mountain. In the midst of happiness or tears. When the walk is rough and chaotic, and when it is smooth and peaceful. Always. I’ve always known that, but it became something so different when He revealed it to me that night.
And so I did just what He said. I sought Him. only Him. And I quit. I quit trying to please. I quit trying to figure things out. I quit trying to make peace, trying to find words, trying to whatever….. I just quit.
And because He is so perfect in planning my life, and because He knows exactly where to place me, where He wants me, and how to get me to that point (literally, emotionally, and spiritually), I believe He has me exactly where He wants me, right now, in this place, because He has something He needs me to do (or something to teach me or show me) that can’t be accomplished anywhere else, at any other time. So I’m going to stick to seeking Him, and I’m going to stick to doing whatever it is that He wants me to do or learn right now, at this moment, until He moves me from this moment, to another one, to do and learn whatever He needs me to do there.
hmm. to be loved. that much.
Monday, November 3, 2008
grace.
I can really tell that I’ve changed over the past year.
Being a teacher isn’t all fun and glory. I remember being a student and thinking how easy teachers have it, how simple it would be to step into their shoes for a day. Last year I got a huge awakening as I realized that teachers do not have an easy job, and students definitely don’t make it any easier. I got frustrated a lot when my kids were loud or when they didn’t turn in their work. There were several times when I would raise my voice in an attempt to get them to understand how “horrible” their actions were and I would spend days on end lecturing them about their behavior. I spent more time doing that, than teaching them English.
This year has been completely different. I haven’t had to raise my voice one time, and I’ve realized that speaking quietly when I am trying to get a point across has more affect than yelling at them. Today, for example (and it’s only 11:16), was our How-To evaluation day. The students wrote a how-to paper over the past few weeks, explaining to someone how to do a said project. They were to choose something that could be completed in class without the use of an oven, microwave, machine, etc. They were to bring their supplies to class today and were going to evaluate each other on their instructions. My first class has 13 students in it. Two of the 13 brought their stuff. I was livid. They had known about this for weeks and I had even reminded them over and over again on Friday that they would receive a zero for the project if they did not have their stuff. The paper is a grade and the evaluation is a grade, so receiving a zero for a test grade brought all of them (except the 2 that brought their stuff) down to failing. They don’t realize how much a zero can affect your grade.
Normally I would have yelled and gotten angry with them over this, but instead I got really quiet, told them not to speak, and explained in great detail my frustration with them and how important this grade was/is. I even praised them on being my favorite class, how well behaved they are and how much of a pleasure it is to have them all in class. Being a smaller, but still large, class really benefits them and their personalities and fun attitudes really help bring an enjoyment to my mornings. However, I explained that even though I love them dearly, I am very disappointed in their actions and lack of responsibility in this project.
After speaking to them, they didn’t say a word. They didn’t offer excuses or try to bargain with me about bringing their stuff tomorrow. Instead they sat quietly and some of them even got out their library books to read (they have a book to read every Friday, do a book talk, etc). When the bell rang, they walked out in silence.
Tomorrow we are supposed to start a Children’s book. They are supposed to create their own book and eventually complete their final draft in a hardback blank book. They will work in partners and illustrate their books, etc. At first I wasn’t sure if I was going to let them do that, because it is a fun project and I wasn’t so sure they deserve fun with how today went. But Curtis reminded me that I should show them grace. So tomorrow I’m going to explain to them my disappointment but then also explain grace and then let them do the children’s book project.
And all this got me to thinking. This is exactly what God does to me. I mess up, and instead of yelling at me, He speaks to me gently and reminds me that while I messed up and I disappointed Him, He still loves me and still grants me grace, giving me another chance to try again; to do better. Hmm…perfect, amazing grace.
You know, if anything, the incidents of today got me thinking about grace and the cross. There are so many days that I let that slip pass my mind, yet God continues to bring it every morning…and perhaps today I neeeded to be reminded of it…if even through the irresponsibility of my students.
Being a teacher isn’t all fun and glory. I remember being a student and thinking how easy teachers have it, how simple it would be to step into their shoes for a day. Last year I got a huge awakening as I realized that teachers do not have an easy job, and students definitely don’t make it any easier. I got frustrated a lot when my kids were loud or when they didn’t turn in their work. There were several times when I would raise my voice in an attempt to get them to understand how “horrible” their actions were and I would spend days on end lecturing them about their behavior. I spent more time doing that, than teaching them English.
This year has been completely different. I haven’t had to raise my voice one time, and I’ve realized that speaking quietly when I am trying to get a point across has more affect than yelling at them. Today, for example (and it’s only 11:16), was our How-To evaluation day. The students wrote a how-to paper over the past few weeks, explaining to someone how to do a said project. They were to choose something that could be completed in class without the use of an oven, microwave, machine, etc. They were to bring their supplies to class today and were going to evaluate each other on their instructions. My first class has 13 students in it. Two of the 13 brought their stuff. I was livid. They had known about this for weeks and I had even reminded them over and over again on Friday that they would receive a zero for the project if they did not have their stuff. The paper is a grade and the evaluation is a grade, so receiving a zero for a test grade brought all of them (except the 2 that brought their stuff) down to failing. They don’t realize how much a zero can affect your grade.
Normally I would have yelled and gotten angry with them over this, but instead I got really quiet, told them not to speak, and explained in great detail my frustration with them and how important this grade was/is. I even praised them on being my favorite class, how well behaved they are and how much of a pleasure it is to have them all in class. Being a smaller, but still large, class really benefits them and their personalities and fun attitudes really help bring an enjoyment to my mornings. However, I explained that even though I love them dearly, I am very disappointed in their actions and lack of responsibility in this project.
After speaking to them, they didn’t say a word. They didn’t offer excuses or try to bargain with me about bringing their stuff tomorrow. Instead they sat quietly and some of them even got out their library books to read (they have a book to read every Friday, do a book talk, etc). When the bell rang, they walked out in silence.
Tomorrow we are supposed to start a Children’s book. They are supposed to create their own book and eventually complete their final draft in a hardback blank book. They will work in partners and illustrate their books, etc. At first I wasn’t sure if I was going to let them do that, because it is a fun project and I wasn’t so sure they deserve fun with how today went. But Curtis reminded me that I should show them grace. So tomorrow I’m going to explain to them my disappointment but then also explain grace and then let them do the children’s book project.
And all this got me to thinking. This is exactly what God does to me. I mess up, and instead of yelling at me, He speaks to me gently and reminds me that while I messed up and I disappointed Him, He still loves me and still grants me grace, giving me another chance to try again; to do better. Hmm…perfect, amazing grace.
You know, if anything, the incidents of today got me thinking about grace and the cross. There are so many days that I let that slip pass my mind, yet God continues to bring it every morning…and perhaps today I neeeded to be reminded of it…if even through the irresponsibility of my students.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
basketball and Jesus
This will more than likely be a less heart wrenching post than the last few. That’s mainly because I have this new ’easy going’ – no stress – outlook on life. There are some things I can control, and others I simply cannot, so I’ve decided there is no point in worrying or thinking about it.
At the current moment I am watching the Dallas Mavericks game, and I am reminded just how much I love basketball season. Don’t get me wrong, football is great, but I honestly get really tired of it. On the other hand, I could watch HS football any given Friday night for months on end and never tire, but TV football is just too much. That’s the big plus to being a HS teacher, – getting to watch your kids play on Friday night. But that ends in a few weeks and I am thrilled that it’s time for the OC Rebels (and the Mavs!!) to hit the court. Not only is it getting colder but standing on the sidelines while your nose gets frostbitten is not my idea of fun. Hallelujah for basketball being inside!
*side note* the Mavs really stink at rebounding. They should work on that *end side note*
In other news, my sister is coming in this weekend. I’ll only get to see her for a while on Friday, and I’ve really been missing her lately so I am super excited!! Then next weekend my best friend is coming to town! (and hopefully moving here soon after that) I get to spend time with 2 of my most favorite people in the world in back to back weekends. That is definitely reason enough to celebrate!
In more news, I really enjoy hearing my kids at school talk about God and their lives with Him. Hearing that they are reading their bibles or how He’s working in their lives is such a huge blessing. There are also two of my seniors (on my newspaper staff) who are attending ETBU shadow day in December. I know one is set on going there (and becoming a teacher!) and I’m praying for both of them as God shows them the path for their life and as they obey His direction for them. I know God has big big plans for both of them and I am so excited that I get to be a part of their lives beyond graduation! Praise the Lord for a chance to hear His name at public school!
final news – im exhausted. the game is ending. mavs lost. by 10.blah.
g o o d n i g h t .
At the current moment I am watching the Dallas Mavericks game, and I am reminded just how much I love basketball season. Don’t get me wrong, football is great, but I honestly get really tired of it. On the other hand, I could watch HS football any given Friday night for months on end and never tire, but TV football is just too much. That’s the big plus to being a HS teacher, – getting to watch your kids play on Friday night. But that ends in a few weeks and I am thrilled that it’s time for the OC Rebels (and the Mavs!!) to hit the court. Not only is it getting colder but standing on the sidelines while your nose gets frostbitten is not my idea of fun. Hallelujah for basketball being inside!
*side note* the Mavs really stink at rebounding. They should work on that *end side note*
In other news, my sister is coming in this weekend. I’ll only get to see her for a while on Friday, and I’ve really been missing her lately so I am super excited!! Then next weekend my best friend is coming to town! (and hopefully moving here soon after that) I get to spend time with 2 of my most favorite people in the world in back to back weekends. That is definitely reason enough to celebrate!
In more news, I really enjoy hearing my kids at school talk about God and their lives with Him. Hearing that they are reading their bibles or how He’s working in their lives is such a huge blessing. There are also two of my seniors (on my newspaper staff) who are attending ETBU shadow day in December. I know one is set on going there (and becoming a teacher!) and I’m praying for both of them as God shows them the path for their life and as they obey His direction for them. I know God has big big plans for both of them and I am so excited that I get to be a part of their lives beyond graduation! Praise the Lord for a chance to hear His name at public school!
final news – im exhausted. the game is ending. mavs lost. by 10.blah.
g o o d n i g h t .
Thursday, October 23, 2008
here and now...
I’ve been learning lately that it is so incredibly important to find contentment in the present. It is so easy to dwell on the “i wish i hads” and ”if onlys” in life – that we can miss the great things that are right in front of our eyes. I have been guilty of that so much in the past – saying over and over again that if i had this job, this car, this house, this guy, this whatever, then my life would be a perfect bed of roses, that then I would and could be happy. I’ve caught myself thinking about the past, about wonderful things/people that I wish were still a part of my everyday world- and feeling that if I had worked harder at certain relationships then things would’ve turned out differently; then those people/things would still exist in my world today.
But I can’t control those things – the past - I can’t go back and change the situation or the words said, I can’t undo the outcome and take a different path. I can’t wonder what could have been or spend time going over the conversations in my head trying to figure out what I could have said/done differently. After all, even if I close my eyes and squeeze them tight enough…when I open them, the situation will still be the same, life will still be the same.
But I can take advantage of the here and now, of the chance to establish meaningful moments, without worrying or even thinking about what tomorrow brings. I am only guaranteed this moment, after all, so why not take advantage of the greatness that lies in it? Of course, there are times when my emotions get the best of me and I begin to wonder and dream and desire so badly for the future, to know what my life will be like someday. It’s moments like this where the Lord reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11,that he already has my life planned out, and all I need to do is trust Him, and follow as He lays each day out before me.
All that said, I’m pretty content with life these days. For the first time in a long time, I am learning to thrive; to be ok with where I am. I’m not saying that it is easy. There are many times where I have to give myself a pep talk and write notes to myself all over my mirror reminding me to focus my attention on other things. I am looking forward to the future, to what God has decided to bless my life with. And while I yearn for those days, I choose to simply be content with the now.
But I can’t control those things – the past - I can’t go back and change the situation or the words said, I can’t undo the outcome and take a different path. I can’t wonder what could have been or spend time going over the conversations in my head trying to figure out what I could have said/done differently. After all, even if I close my eyes and squeeze them tight enough…when I open them, the situation will still be the same, life will still be the same.
But I can take advantage of the here and now, of the chance to establish meaningful moments, without worrying or even thinking about what tomorrow brings. I am only guaranteed this moment, after all, so why not take advantage of the greatness that lies in it? Of course, there are times when my emotions get the best of me and I begin to wonder and dream and desire so badly for the future, to know what my life will be like someday. It’s moments like this where the Lord reminds me of Jeremiah 29:11,that he already has my life planned out, and all I need to do is trust Him, and follow as He lays each day out before me.
All that said, I’m pretty content with life these days. For the first time in a long time, I am learning to thrive; to be ok with where I am. I’m not saying that it is easy. There are many times where I have to give myself a pep talk and write notes to myself all over my mirror reminding me to focus my attention on other things. I am looking forward to the future, to what God has decided to bless my life with. And while I yearn for those days, I choose to simply be content with the now.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
and so things change...
Oh how things change in a matter of weeks…there are days of complete bliss and some that I’d rather not live through. However, no matter what comes at me and through my life, there is a lesson to be learned and an opportunity to be changed, to grow, to …etc.
The other day I started (and almost completed) a post about how selfish guys are and I even listed some scenarios explaining my very valid points. I griped and complained and shared my opinion on the male population…pretty bluntly might I add. But for some reason I didn’t publish it. Today, I’m pretty glad I didn’t.
For the better part of this weekend – and I’m sure I’ll change my mind again someday – I realized that not all guys are selfish, all about themselves, kind of people. I’m not sure why this particular person entered my life in a new way this weekend, but I’m completely grateful for him. This new friendship has definitely caused a new outlook for me, even after only a few conversations. I’m sure you’re thinking that that’s crazy – and honestly, I think so myself, but something keeps drawing me back to our conversations and to the words said.
For the first time in my entire life – yes, entire – a guy seemed (and I’m pretty sure it was genuine) to want to know as much about me as he shared about himself. I felt like it mattered what I said and it was evident he listened when he recalled topics from previous conversations. I don’t do vulnerability very well but for some reason I felt comfortable talking with him. Laughter (both at and with each other) was pretty prevalent and I never once felt like I was being made fun of or picked on. Please don’t misunderstand me and think that I want things to be all about me, all the time, but I can’t explain (and if you are a girl reading this then you understand) how refreshing it is to be listened to and to have someone engage in the other side of a conversation. There have been so many moments throughout my life when talking was one-sided or the only response consisted of “uh huh” and “yea” as if they were present physically but otherwise completely removed from the conversation. But this time – it’s been different…
I’m not sure why exactly our paths have crossed, but I can definitely tell you that it has opened my eyes and blessed my heart and I am very excited to watch the friendship unfold. Praise the Lord for great moments and new friends.
The other day I started (and almost completed) a post about how selfish guys are and I even listed some scenarios explaining my very valid points. I griped and complained and shared my opinion on the male population…pretty bluntly might I add. But for some reason I didn’t publish it. Today, I’m pretty glad I didn’t.
For the better part of this weekend – and I’m sure I’ll change my mind again someday – I realized that not all guys are selfish, all about themselves, kind of people. I’m not sure why this particular person entered my life in a new way this weekend, but I’m completely grateful for him. This new friendship has definitely caused a new outlook for me, even after only a few conversations. I’m sure you’re thinking that that’s crazy – and honestly, I think so myself, but something keeps drawing me back to our conversations and to the words said.
For the first time in my entire life – yes, entire – a guy seemed (and I’m pretty sure it was genuine) to want to know as much about me as he shared about himself. I felt like it mattered what I said and it was evident he listened when he recalled topics from previous conversations. I don’t do vulnerability very well but for some reason I felt comfortable talking with him. Laughter (both at and with each other) was pretty prevalent and I never once felt like I was being made fun of or picked on. Please don’t misunderstand me and think that I want things to be all about me, all the time, but I can’t explain (and if you are a girl reading this then you understand) how refreshing it is to be listened to and to have someone engage in the other side of a conversation. There have been so many moments throughout my life when talking was one-sided or the only response consisted of “uh huh” and “yea” as if they were present physically but otherwise completely removed from the conversation. But this time – it’s been different…
I’m not sure why exactly our paths have crossed, but I can definitely tell you that it has opened my eyes and blessed my heart and I am very excited to watch the friendship unfold. Praise the Lord for great moments and new friends.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
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