peace

Today was a good day. Finally. Not superbly amazing, but good. It’s been a rough couple of days to be honest. School has been really hard with conflicts rising, deadlines staring me in the face, and students being difficult. I’m really getting tired of having to make students write sentences because they cannot close their mouths long enough for me to get what I need said…said. And what’s worse is that the entire class is punished, because I have no idea which students are talking (b/c I’m usually doing 14 things at one time). Add that to a newspaper deadline, grades deadline, and our Rebel Review (newspaper) computer issues and it makes for a pretty rough day. Go ahead and add to that the fact that I have one class period where I am teaching 2 subjects at the same time (8th grade Pre-AP English and newspaper). It’s pretty frustrating on a regular basis. But finally, after three days of complicated chaos… I experienced a day of peace (well, almost). I still had to make one class period write sentences, and I still have a deadline and the craziness of teaching 2 classes at one time, but optimism is right on my heels.

I wonder why we have bad days. Why do we let circumstances step in and overrule our moods, which in turn, overrule our days? Sometimes I feel like a ridiculous emotional girl who is overanalyzing and over emotionalizing my life. I continually stress out over talkative students and the fact that my list of things to do didn’t get done in my 8 hour work day. I stress over my lesson plans, weight, relationships, attitudes, conflict, money, friends, things I have absolutely no control over, the fact that my outfit won’t come together in the morning or that my hair isn’t working just right...and the list could go on. I dwell on moments that have already passed. I put words, emotion, and energy into things that will pass away and not enough words, emotion, and energy into the eternal. For some reason, I believe that it’s up to me to make the world continue to spin and for things to go smoothly. I think that I have to handle it all, counsel all, encourage all, help all, solve all, take in all…that I have to be all…for everyone. And when things on my end are falling apart: when deadlines don’t get met, when fights with friends become the forefront, when conflict at school gets in the way of my class time, when guys become complicated, when I let a few talkative students ruin my day, and when the world seems to be crumbling in my hands,…I still try to be all. Which is absolutely crazy, because I know full well (and I am so sure of it on days that are good) that I cannot be all, that I was not created to be all.

In fact, it says in Genesis that God created the earth, that He formed everything that is in this place we call home. That means He is in control, not me. Psalm 46:10 that I am to be still and know that He is God. Of course, I know this, but why is it so easy to do on easy days and so hard to follow through with on the tough days? I was reminded today of a verse that is taped to my mirror – “…seek peace and pursue it” (psalm 34:14b). That means that despite all the chaos (or what I perceive as chaos) in my life, I am to pursue peace. I am to be still, and I am to continually believe (and know) that HE IS GOD! (And I am not). That said- here are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. Tonight as I was writing this, the shuffle on my iTunes landed on this song. And I believe wholeheartedly that the Lord allowed me to hear this, so I could be reminded that in moments like last week, where my bad days seemed to overtake my life that I must shut out the world, step away from the madness that consumes my path, and focus solely on Jesus Christ.

“A million expectations ringing in my ears, telling me who I should be and what I should do. I’m surrounded by these voices but right now there’s only one I need to hear. So for a moment or two: help me shut out the world, ‘til it’s just You and me. ‘Til You’re all that I Want and You’re all I can see. Teach my heart to be still, before I make my next move. Help me shut out the world and listen to You.

In the middle of this madness by my solitude, and in the chaos come and be my quiet place. Lord, knead me in this moment; I’m lifting up this crowded heart to you, for You are my Prince of Peace. Help me shut out the world, ‘til it’s just You and me. ‘Til You’re all that I Want and You’re all I can see. Teach my heart to be still, before I make my next move. Help me shut out the world and listen to You.

Before I’m back in the world, it’s waiting outside my door. I need to be still and know You are Lord. Help me shut out the world, ‘til it’s just You and me. ‘Til You’re all that I Want and You’re all I can see. Teach my heart to be still, before I make my next move. Help me shut out the world and listen to You.”