from the heart of teenagers

My kids have these journals...


They've decorated the front and adorned the pages with their words. They write daily entries as well as ten topics per six weeks that are to be done on their own time. On the first day I told them that if there was ever anything in their journals that they didn't want me to read, then they could fold the page and I wouldn't read it. And I have kept my word. I was worried, at first, that my kiddos would turn down every page and try to sneak by the assignment, but I was proved wrong (and humbled) as I read page after page. While there were some who have chosen to ear-mark things they'd rather keep for their eyes only, as we're embarking on the 5th six weeks, it has been amazing to see that fewer of the pages are turned down.


[And how many of them are beginning to actually pour their hearts onto the pages.]


I've told them to be honest...and they have. From weekly crushes and relationships with their parents, to struggles (or joys) in their lives and their beliefs in God. I am amazed at how wise they are, and am in awe of their brutal honesty, their transparentness, their innocence, and their beautiful hearts.


Some have been through more in their first fifteen years of life than I will see in a lifetime. Some have experienced incredible tragedy, while others have lived full lives, complete with parents that are still married, food that comes readily on the table, and the "typical American family" household. Some are hurting, daily. While others are having the best time of their lives. 


They are funny and sarcastic, truthful and, at times, lazy with their work, but they're real. They've written ridiculous stories they've made up and made a list of things they're thankful for. They've had to find quotes that sum up their lives, and research poetry that pulls the emotions from their heart. (and I am not naive to think that most of them pick the first quote/poem they can find, because to make effort requires work and work is not their thing.) This past six weeks they wrote a letter to themselves 10 years from now, and expressed things they'd like to change about high school.


In fact, it was that last topic that caught me off guard as I was reading their journals for this six weeks (in between DNOW/Amped events last weekend). Most talked about the cafeteria food, the rules, going through high school without the drama among their student body, starting later in the day, and being able to use their cell phones in class. But, there were a few - in fact almost 10 of my 60 kids - whose journals expressed a change that really broke my heart. 


Their change? They'd like teachers that aren't selfish, and that truly care about them (even when they're being turds). 


[Wow.]


They didn't mention names, but I felt a pierce in my heart anyway. I try really hard to be sweet to all of my students - even to the ones who try my patience. I try to make time for each of them, to listen when they want to talk about what's on their mind. And when their heartaches spill over to their faces, and they can't hide the pain of the day, I know they'd rather be anywhere except sitting in English class learning about how to answer open-ended TAKS questions. But there are days when I'd rather send them elsewhere. Their laziness, attitudes, and lack of kindness gets to my nerves and the rumor of "Ms. Hinkle being in a bad mood" begins to swirl about the hallway. Their journals admitted to the fact that they know they are annoying sometimes, that the kids from the class period before might have made us mad, and that they do realize that we have bad days (and that we're not perfect). 


But, as they became vulnerable in the pages of their journals, I became convicted. 


No, they weren't specifically talking about me, but I could easily put myself in the situations they'd experienced, knowing that there have been times where I didn't breathe love into their lives that day. Thankfully, they still love me, even when I'm (way) less than lovable. 


I won't drag this out any longer than it needs to be, but I will say that their words reminded me of 2 things. 


#1 - 1 Thess 5:16. "Be joyful always." I know we aren't commanded to be "happy" all the time, because that would be ridiculously impossible as we're human and sometimes the things of this world just squash our laughter. But, we are told to be joyful. That means that even in the midst of unhappy times, I can exude joy. And perhaps, find a reason within to smile :)


#2 - 1 John 3:11. "This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another." We are commanded to love. And this goes hand in hand with 1 Corinthians 13. After all, love is supposed to be "patient and kind", and added in there somewhere is the part about "keeping no record of wrongs" (even with my kiddos). And, since love "always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres," I should really work on doing the same.


After all, not only is my joy and love important for 60 teenagers at 100 Rebel Road, but it's important in being a child of Christ, and being that example everywhere I go. 


So,....how's your heart and attitude with those in your life? Are you putting yourself (and your mood that day) first, or are you seeking out to show love to the people you come in contact with?